‘People
here are quite unfriendly… very individualistic…’
These are generally
comments I made towards Germans when my friends back home asked me about them.
By saying these, I am not suggesting that they are inferior or second-class
people, those are merely comparisons I made, according to the schemas I have
formed in my mind, my own personal opinions, when I consider the differences
between Germans and Malaysians. Please note that my opinions cannot be
generalised to all Germans, as I do know a few very nice German friends here,
and perhaps, if I have the chance to befriend more Germans, my perception towards
them might change (tak kenal maka tak cinta might be true). I’ve encountered
some really interesting experience here with the Germans, their explicitness
and directness could be really surprising at times. A few examples are given as the following.
Scenario 1:
Maike
invited her boyfriend to her shared apartment and they had sex loudly and
proudly (once they even let the bedroom door opened…) Vik and I were her
housemates at that time… you can imagine the fun we had out of it…
Scenario 2:
I went
shopping for groceries (for the first time alone in Germany), I almost hit by a
heart attack as the cashier scanned the groceries in a super speed and I have
to put them all back in my trolley, and because I was a bit slow, she threw (I
really mean threw) some of them into my trolley for me while I was digging into
my purse for the cash to pay, that was really helpful! FYI, no one here packs
your groceries for you, nor do they provide you with plastic bags! Get your own
shopping bag and take care of your groceries yourself! And make sure you do it
fast!
Scenario 3:
It happened
in my previous working place, an office in Frankfurt. The dialogue is translated
into English.
Colleague A: Hey I want to have some strawberries
today for lunch, can you help me to get some from REWE? I only want those from Germany…
Then the 3 colleagues talked about how good all
the Bio fruits and vegetables Germany produced bla bla bla… then this:
Colleague B: You know what, you better don’t
buy pototes from Asia, they taste disgusting! I have no idea what they use as
fertilizer there…
Colleague C: Ya and don’t buy garlic imported
from China too. They are usually rotten.
Colleague A: sshhhhhhhhh…
And I was
there sitting facing the wall (my back facing them), staring into my computer
screen, busy, when they bad mouthed about Asia and China… I wonder: since when
potatoes and garlic are being imported to Germany from there?
Scenario 4:
Annie and
Yang Kuan visited me in Germany. We went to the Darmstadt city centre for
sightseeing. An old man saw us and came to us and volunteered politely, ‘Do you
need help? I can take a picture for the three of you together.’ After that we
said thanks and he asked us where do we come from. He told us right then that the people in
Germany are very cold (he pointed his index finger to his chest and then to his
wrist), he thinks they are cold in heart and in blood…
There are
more incidents which I can add to this actually, kids shouted at their mothers
in the tram (but don’t you dare to lay your hand on them, corporal punishment
is banned here), one colleague scolded the other one openly in the office in a
very hostile manner, and the list can go on and on… Sometimes I really wish that
I have not seen those disapproving facial expressions, and that I have not
understood those conversations. I still remember when I don’t know the language
I eagerly wanted to learn it, yet at times I just wish that I don’t understand
a word! Life can be really ironic sometimes…
Nevertheless,
Germans’ directness and explicitness (typical characteristics of a low-context
culture society) can be positive too. It makes communication easier for me, as
they don’t like to beat around the bush, I can know how they feel or think
without too much guessing. They are generally honest people, punctual and they
mean what they say. I’ve learned a great lesson in this aspect during my stay
here, if you would like to survive well in this country, you can’t be too modest
with your German friends, speak-up and let them know what you think, tell them
your experience. If you have it, flaunt it is better than hide it. It doesn’t
mean that you have to be boastful, but you sure need to make them realised that
you do not come from a village, Malaysia is a developing country and we still
have the world’s highest twin towers in the world.
The
following blue and red illustrations are created by Yang Liu. I got them in an
email forwarded to me by Sue (hugs!) and YeanFang, thanks for the clarification
:p Blue – Germans, Red – Chinese.
Another
thing about the Germans is that they are rule-bound and very formal. A
notorious example of this can be seen by looking at the German pedestrians.
Traffic light is red, no cars coming near or far, one-lane street. Will you
wait or will you cross? The Germans will wait, so do I (but I only do this in
this country, just to avoid the snarling :p). Of course I do agree to wait when
there are kids around, we do not want to set a dangerous example, but even when
kids are not present, the Germans will just stand there and stare at the
traffic light till it turns green. Just
in case you have decided to go against the law, do make sure that there are no
old people around you too. My personal experience told me that the grandmas and
grandpas in this country can be old and yet powerful, they could scold you
until you feel so condemn and want to dig a hole in the ground and turn into an
ostrich. Spontaneity is not really a virtue here as people are more rigid and conservative.
Make an appointment before you go pressing the doorbell at your friends’ house,
otherwise they will help you to make an appointment… The same goes to seeing a
doctor too; make an appointment before you go, or you won’t be entertained
(even though all you want is just a medical consultation).
The Germans
also respect their quiet time (Ruhezeit) very much, which means you are not
allow by law to make disturbing noise from 8 p.m. onwards till 7 a.m., on
Sundays and public holidays, please be quiet the entire day! If your washing
machine makes loud noises when you turn it on, then you better don’t do your
laundry during the quiet time, or you can expect to have policeman knocking at
your door, that is if your neighbours file a complain of course. Therefore, no
loud music, no lawn mowing and no screaming and yelling during those special
hours of time. As you can see from here now, the Germans value privacy and they
are indeed more individual-oriented.
Talking
about culture, you need to know about the Germans’ very famous FKK, which
stands for Freikörperkultur (free body culture), more known to us as the nudism
or the naturism. Do not get too excited my friend, it doesn’t mean you’ll get to
see naked people walking down the streets or hanging in the bar, but if you go
to the right place at the right time, you might be lucky (or puke-ky 
). Yes,
when the sun is up in the sky, go to some beaches and you will see the
manifestation of FKK, I personally have only seen it in TV, too bad…
Now let me
think, what else… Yes, relationships. Boys
and girls start dating one another when they are quite young, around 14, and
who knows what else they do at that age :p… Gender equality is important in a
relationship, woman do not like to be treated as they are weaker or less
capable than men. Having a househusband is rather common here, if the man earns
less then his wife, it is better for him then to stay at home and take care of
the children. Single parent is widely accepted and patchwork family is quite usual
too, a friend and a teacher I know from my language school are having this kind
of family. A divorced mother bringing her kids to stay with another man, who
also has his own kids from his previous marriage, that’s a patchwork family. Divorce rate is quite high in this country, I’ve
found different sources with different numbers, so to give you a rough idea, in
year 1994 the divorce rate was 32.2%. Vik told me it is much higher nowadays,
and I believe him. What surprised me the most is, lately, Gabriele Pauli, a
female politician here came up with the idea on how to ‘cure’ the so called ‘7
years itch’, by suggesting a 7 years marriage contract… Imagine your husband
propose to you by saying this – ‘keep married to me for 7 years my dear, after
that period if you are still interested, we can renew our marriage contract…’
Good or bad, I can’t tell, all I know is, my marriage is meant to last for
ever.
In short, the
Germans are special in their own way. Sometimes I find them funny yet sometimes
annoying. I believe that this is the same everywhere in the world, I got
irritated by certain things back in Malaysia too. Even though we are all
ethnocentric to a certain level, I do prefer to view things in a more culturally
relative manner, to understand and appreciate other’s culture and lifestyle. I wonder how will things be in the Netherlands… :p Anyway, I hope you have
enjoyed reading this entry. Comments are welcome!Hugs!
P.s: I do
not mean to judge anyone, so if my words here have somehow offended someone out
there, please accept my apology.
As the saying goes, practice makes perfect. However I think you can’t be so perfect in things like this, so I’m just doing my best, improving whenever I can. 
